The Physic Pen
by ClevelandtoCharolette
Summary: A story lovingly ripped off of so much, it should be illegal! Conjoined story with Forgotten In Shadows. Sasuke finds a pen that knows what people are thinking! But it has an attitude problem


**Behold! The fruits of boredom are sweet. So sweet in fact, I planted the seed of boredom, watered it, gave it plenty of sunlight, and watched it grow into a marvelous boredom tree. And when the fruits of boredom finally grew, I ate one. Nothing happened. Then, one of them fell from the tree, hit me on the head, and gave me this idea.**

So starts that FABULOS tale of Book of Absolutely Everything You Wanted To Know by the amazing _Forgotten In Shadows_. But, what you never heard was the other side of the story. So let us resume, shall we?

**Behold! The fruits of boredom are sweet. So sweet in fact, Forgotten In Shadows (FiS) planted the seed of boredom, watered it, gave it plenty of sunlight, and watched it grow into a marvelous boredom tree. And when the fruits of boredom finally grew, FiS ate one. Nothing happened. Then, one of them fell from the tree, hit FiS on the head, and gave her this idea. And then I, ClevelandtoCharolette, Yuri-chan, came up and got the lovely idea of chucking one at her head. I missed. Then FiS grabbed another and chucked it at me, hitting me right between the eyes. I was in the hospital for three years with a concussion, and when I woke up, I had this marvelous idea! Yay.

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**

Uchiha Sasuke was very used to things trying to kill him. His sadistic, Loriel abusing brother had tried to kill him, but left him alive at age eight. Sasuke was scared for life. A very pretty boy who was MUCH prettier then Sakura had tried killing him with needles, like he was a voodoo doll. Sasuke was scared for life. An apathetic, Emo, fangirl fanatic had tried stabbing him with an eraser. Sasuke had been in the hospital for two weeks after that and scared for life. (Seriously. He has a white scar on his back. Look at it sometime.)

But no one had ever attempted to kill Sasuke with a writing utensil. That was, of course, until today. Sasuke was idly walking down the hall of the Emo Farm. AKA, Orochimaru's compound. He was walking in his incredible apathetic emoness, when PLOINK! Something sharp hit Sasuke in the back of his head, sending him to the floor.

"What the hell was that." Sasuke asked rhetorically. Because Sasuke was so Emo and apathetic now, he no longer had use for question or exclamation marks. Wow, what a loser. Anyways, he turned around and looked for what had knocked him over. With jarring chords filling the air, he searched the ground and in a dark corner, he finally saw what hit him over.

A pen. Sasuke stared at it. The great Uchiha Sasuke had been knocked to the ground by a pen. He gingerly stood up and picked it up. It was a plain black pen, with two questioning blue eyes drawn on it. Sasuke looked left, right, up, and down. Who had thrown it at him?

There was whistling from down that hall. Only one person in the Emo Farm knew how to whistle, for whistling was a sacred art that many did not know. Only one man was cunning enough, witty enough, smart enough, powerful enough, geeky enough, and British enough to know how to whistle. Yes, it was Yakushi Kabuto.

Kabuto's eyes widened in merry British delight as he caught sight of Sasuke. "'Ello there Sasuke-kun. Delightful day, isn't it?" He asked in his clipped British accent. Sasuke stared at him, ignoring the flickering light bulbs and the buzzing of dead flies.

"Sasuke-kun, you don't look so good. What's wrong?" Kabuto asked, pretending he actually cared. Because he was British, and everyone knows that Brits don't 'feeling talk'. So Sasuke just stared at him. "Nothing." He said. "I was just walking down the hall, being emo and apathetic,"

"Which you are very good at." Kabuto points out. Sasuke nods. "Yes. Where was I. Oh, I was walking down the hall, being emo and apathetic, and suddenly I was knocked over by this pen." Sasuke held up the pen for Kabuto to see.

"You were knocked over by a pen?" Was all Kabuto could say. If Sasuke had any emotion, he would've growled, gotten red faced and punched Kabuto through a wall. But he had no emotion, so he was only capable of saying "Shut up." Kabuto laughed. "Well, I've never seen a pen like this before. So, happy birthday, you get to keep it!"

Silence. "It's not my birthday." Sasuke said. Kabuto shrugged. "Well, happy UN-Birthday then!"

Sasuke walked away, pen in hand, shaking his head. He got to his dark, depressing emo room and sat down at his dark, depressing emo desk. Taking out a piece of white, dark, depressing emo paper, Sasuke uncapped the pen and started writing.

Well, that's what would've happened if this had been a normal pen. But it wasn't a normal pen. So as soon as Sasuke uncapped it and put its point to the paper, the pen started vibrating. It wrenched it's self free from Sasuke's grip and started writing _on it's own_! This is what it wrote;

'_Hello there emo boy. Feel special for today, the fates have smiled upon you and decided to grant you the gift of knowing. But, you cannot use this gift on your own. Therefore, the gift of knowing has been given to me to give to you as you or I see fit.'_

Sasuke stared at the dark blue ink on the paper. "That's it. The dobe's finally gotten to me. I'm insane." He said, eyes only slightly wider the usual. The pens turned so it's drawn on eyes were facing Sasuke.

'_And admitting that is the first step to recovery dear. Now, I know you are Sasuke. Do you have any questions for me? And please, just write them out for me.'_

Sasuke just stared at the piece of paper. He took up another, unimportant pen and wrote out; "Who are you. What do you do. Why do I feel that you are cleverly and lovingly ripped off from something else."

'_Ya know, it wouldn't kill you to write out exclamation or question marks. Right now, you are totally and completely, grammatically incorrect. Normally, I'd say you failed at life, but I don't know you well enough to bug you yet. Anyways, I am Akutenshi! The magic physic pen! I can tell you what anyone is thinking at this very moment or five minutes into the future. But it's all liable to change. And I was cleverly and lovingly ripped off from so many things, I should be illegal!'_

Sasuke, once again stared at the paper. "Why do I feel like your going to get me in a lot of trouble." He wrote.

"_I dunno. Male intuition?'_

"Akutenshi huh?"

'_Yep.'_

"You know what people are thinking?"

'_By George I think he's got it!'_

Sasuke smirked. It was odd, since it had been so long since he'd shown any emotion at all. His face cracked and he made a mental note to get some lotion from Bath and Body Works. But, he was sure, this would be sort of fun.

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**Mwhahahaha!!! See? Lovingly ripped off! Akutenshi means Evil Angel. You'll get it soon. Remember, this is a conjoined story with Forgotten in Shadows. I just started a little later. So read her's too! and R&R!**


End file.
